


Three Times is not the Charm

by Matilly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, False Pregnancy, Gen, Miscarriage, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matilly/pseuds/Matilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco and Astoria Malfoy were happily married. What their families were asking for now was an heir, but it turns out more difficult than it seemed at first and Astoria starts to wonder if she deserves to be a mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Times is not the Charm

**Three times is not the charm**

They were happily married. Astoria could not say if it would be forever, but she hoped it. They had met for the first time years ago, in one of the many pureblood parties their families attended. He was the same age as her sister, so it was not strange they had barely talked in the few encounters they had until they left Hogwarts.

The younger Greengrass had her father's hair colour and her mother's eyes, yet her personality matched neither. She was selfless, put others before herself as many times as possible and gave advice whenever she could, even if no one asked her. Her personality was what distinguished her from her Slytherin family – Astoria had begged the Sorting Hat to put her in Slytherin for the sole purpose of pleasing her parents and it had luckily accepted her request –, because she cared.

When Draco met her some years after the war, he was a broken and bitter man. He had no problem showing it either. He pushed human contact and any type of social interaction away, having only one friend and he had no clue how Theodore Nott handled him. Still, he did, and deep down the blond was thankful for the fact that one person in the world tolerated his presence even with his past and the faded Dark Mark on his arm. That was until Astoria came into his life – and stayed – and he changed. He started seeing things in a different way, in her way. His actions were more measured because he was worried about her, about her feelings, and Draco Malfoy had never been one to care about feelings.

Their marriage took place in his manor. She wanted it to happen in a house with a big garden – even if the bride and groom had agreed to invite only their closest friends and family –, and the Greengrass Manor was the place from which she was trying to escape, so it made only sense one of the best days in her life did not take place there. They spent time together, danced and talked to their guests, making sure to greet everyone with more than a simple Thank you for coming.

The conversation about an heir came some months after, courtesy of Astoria's mother, but the couple gave her little attention. They were young, their childhoods were far from happy, so they wanted some time to just live their married lives after a couple of years dating.

Exactly nine months after the wedding, Astoria found out she was pregnant. The couple was surprised, worried, but definitely happy. They were not prepared to be parents, but they knew they would love the child no matter what and give her the love they have lacked whilst growing up. Three weeks later, however, the brunette woke up to some drops of blood in the sheets. Her Healer instincts kicked in and she performed the spell thanks to which she had found out she was pregnant.

Negative.

It hurt. It hurt deep in her chest, and it was something for which she had no cure. Several things crossed her mind at once. Why was she being denied to be a mother? Why, after she had been through, could she not have a whole family? Maybe it was too soon, after all they were still young and could wait. That was what she told herself and what Draco told her, like a mantra, whenever Astoria said she did not deserve to be a mother.

Two months later, the fact that Draco's morning coffee had her grimacing every day made her perform the spell again, just to discharge that possibility. Later that day, she found herself talking to her husband about the fact that she had just discovered she was expecting. Her smile was smaller than when she had first gotten pregnant, the lingering fear of it happening again always present in her heart, but she stood strong. Her belly started showing, the clothes started to look smaller around her stomach and Astoria found herself buying maternity clothes, touching her belly whenever she could, hoping to feel the baby inside. Draco tried it too when they were lying down in bed, and he used to whisper the brunette would be a wonderful mother, a loving one as opposite to her own mother. Names were not discussed, because it was too soon. They were only midway through the second semester; there was time.

There was not time.

It happened in the hospital, when Astoria was discussing a case with a co-worker. At first it was simply some discomfort, but the fear still lingered on her skin and a couple of hours later everyone knew the result, Draco having been rushed from the Potioneers' alcove to assist his devastated wife.

Astoria closed herself after the second miscarriage. The smile on her face was rare, replaced by a fake one which did not stay there long either. Everything seemed to get on her nerves, the ever growing fear of not being good enough kicking stronger and making her fight with her husband for the smallest things. He stayed – it was the manor of his family, after all – even when Astoria said he should find someone whose body would give him a child. He held her when she tried to resist his hug, frantically crying in his arms. He hurt just as much as she did, but he knew how to hide it better than her after years of practice.

When the idea of pregnancy had been pushed away from her mind and she had focused as hard as she could in her married life and her job, Astoria got pregnant again. Five months had gone by, and the New Year had brought her a new hope. She had always loved the idea of a whole new year ahead of them, and maybe this was the year.

'Three times is the charm,' everyone said, and maybe they were right, even if something felt off.

She did not give it as much attention as the second time, almost wondering how much she would have to wait before she found out she was no longer pregnant. It did not last long this time, and she did not cry. Her only request was that she did not want to get pregnant again, nor did she want to be asked when she would get pregnant again, if ever.

Draco understood. He saw her breaking, saw the unhappy woman she became, saw that happy smile she always carried leave her lips and a sad smile took its place whenever Astoria wanted to many any expression that did not look like sadness, hurt or regret. She apologised over and over again whenever she broke. She thought she had failed him in some way, but she was already much more than he deserved. He wanted a child, yet he wanted his wife more. The woman in front of him now was no longer his wife; instead, it was a sad copy of her, and he knew he wanted his wife back, so he agreed to any and every wish of hers.

What neither of them expected happened about one year later.

The symptoms caught her prepared this time. The work at the hospital the previous months had been so much that she barely remembered to eat, even less to take the contraceptive potion. It did not matter, she knew the outcome so she let it be.

'I'm pregnant', she told Draco one week later over dinner, casually, almost as if she was telling him she had run into an old friend. His eyes widened a fraction and she could practically feel his heart racing, but then he nodded, gave her hand a squeeze and started talking about his day.

Astoria fell in love with him all over again after his reaction.

'I don't want people to know, but if they find out, if it starts showing, I don't want comments. I don't want praises and wishes or even the smallest mention of it,' she told him that night, when they were spooning in bed. His breath hitched against her nape, the gentle squeeze of his hand on hers assuring her she would get what she wanted.

She knew there was a simple way to get rid of it, not get through all the pain of losing another child again, yet Astoria could not make herself do it. It felt too real to make an abortion, it felt like she had not even tried to carry that child. Therefore, she would wait for her body to take that baby away from her.

Her life continued. She went to work every day, just like nothing was going on. And it was not. She noticed the changes, of course. It was not just the growing belly, but the fuller breasts, the difficulty to stand for long periods of time, not only because her feet would swell, but also because there seemed to be a constant pain in her lower back. She refrained from thinking about the reason for this. Astoria refused to look at it, to watch why her clothes no longer fitted in her body; she simply bought a bigger size.

There were nights when she felt it, right when she was almost drifting off. Something inside her belly moved, something more than a simple rumbling of her stomach. It usually happened when she was like that, fully relaxed, and she could not help but mentally curse her body for giving her that feeling when she was in that state instead of when she was busy with her job and could not care less about it. Some nights, and she could count those nights with her fingers, there was a dainty hand there, uncertain, soothing, and belonging to the woman carrying that child and there were always some tears. Other nights, and Astoria had lost count to those, there was a manly hand on her stomach, hesitant, almost certain that the brunette had fallen asleep so her husband would not be caught doing it even though she only faked being already asleep. Draco would speak to her belly sometimes, in a tone so low that Astoria hardly registered a word, but mother, loved and please were there almost every time. She had decided not trying to find out the rest of his sentence, because it would only pain her more in the end.

Her parents and his own never mentioned what was going on in her body, and neither did her sister. Everyone in the hospital refrained from commenting, and Astoria knew it was Draco's doing. Whenever her patients spoke a word about her state, she would deny it. Her glare made them never to mention it again. She only allowed one Healer to check her occasionally, perform whatever spells were to be performed, then give her husband the news. Astoria did not want to know, did not care, did not want to have her mind filled with something that would end up one day or another.

It was on a normal work day that it happened.

The pain had been constant throughout that day, making it hard for her to even stand or think straight. She knew deep down that something was wrong, and it had been only four or five months since she had found out about the pregnancy, right? The pain meant nothing good, but she was not going to be as afraid as in all those other times. She vowed to herself not to cry her eyes out when it happened and simply move on with her life. She had long understood she would not be a mother, she did not deserve to be one.

She had not expected the gush of water coming down her legs when she was in the middle of the hallway, on her way to spend her coffee break with Draco. It had caught her off guard and made her quickly very aware that something was indeed very wrong. She ignored the small droplets falling on the floor – she had prepared herself to see blood right away, but there was simply a pale coloured liquid – and strode as quickly as she could to the potions alcove. The pain in her stomach was increasing, getting stronger and more regular, and it hurt much more than the previous times.

'Draco, it's happening! It hurts...' It came out as a strangled sob, her nails digging into the skin of his arms as Astoria tried to contain her tears. She broke the promise she had made to herself, crying in her arms, both from the pain in her stomach and the aching in her chest, the sign that she had failed once more.

'Let's get you a room,' he had said, and his tone… was he smiling? Was he happy about this?

She let him lead her into the hallway, holding most of her weight, because she was sure she could not hold on for much longer. The memories of the other three failed pregnancies were taking over her quickly, making her want to go home, share this failure with just him, but even Astoria was not sure she could get home like this. The commotion started right when they stepped out of the alcove, his hand pointing to random Healers and asking for other Healers and for a peaceful room. Her mind barely registered what was going on. She wanted no one but him and she was holding onto him like a life preserver. Before she knew it, she was lying on a hospital bed, her hospital robes changed into patient's ones, and she was given water, but what she wanted was for the pain to end, for her life to return to normal.

'Make it stop,' she begged her husband, eyes pleading when they met his. His smile hurt her. 'Are you happy? Are you happy all this is happening again?!' Her tone was harsh, uncaring of the Healers around her in the room. His smile only widened at her questions.

'It's not, it's not happening again.' He leaned forward, lips soft on her forehead in a gesture he rarely displayed publicly. 'You're in labour,' he whispered close to her ear, the smile present in his voice.

Astoria's eyes widened, eyes locking with his when he pulled away. It was a cruel joke, it had only been five months or so and she knew babies that small did not survive. Why was he smiling because of that? 'I can't. It's too early,' she whispered back, only to watch him shake his head slightly.

'It's been thirty eight weeks, Astoria, it's time.'

She kept staring at him, mouth falling agape at the new information. How had that happened? How had she been through all those weeks and feel it had been only half of that time, even if she had felt pregnant for what looked like a year? A look at her belly and she realised how big it was, how the pain she had thought was due to a miscarriage were contractions. She had gone through a full pregnancy, and now she was not ready. She had no clue what to do, how to feel, how to behave. She had delivered babies, but it was not the same thing.

The panic washed over her then. Her hand gripped Draco's tighter, head shaking a couple of times before she stopped when she realised it made her dizzy. 'I can't do this. I don't know how to do this,' she repeated over and over again, only to have Draco's hand cup her chin and make her face him.

'You can. I'll be here,' he promised, eyes glancing to the midwife leaving the room. He knew the wait coming their way, the countless hours waiting for his wife's body to be ready to bring their baby to the world, but he had vowed to himself that he would stay next to her all those hours if they ever gotten to that stage. Now that they were there, he could not imagine being somewhere else.

The following hours had Astoria bite her lip almost to the point of bleeding and trying to find a comfortable position. She hated it was taking this long; she had had to wait for this moment for years, why could it not go on faster? The midwife came in countless times, wand pointing at Astoria's belly, performing a spell that was slowly changing colour and one that had hardly any changes. Everything was going normally, they assured her, but still that fear was there, deep in her heart. If something failed, she would not try again. She did not trust herself to be able to even feel whole again after this; she did not even know if she felt like that anymore after three failed pregnancies.

When the time to push came, the brunette was incredibly tired, but she knew this was where she needed to prove to herself that she could do it. It hurt, yet it felt right. It had hurt psychologically the other times, so it was only fair this one would hurt physically. The feeling of Draco's fingers curled around hers and the encouragement from his lips and the midwife's gave her strength, made her feel powerful and capable of doing this.

The worst feeling came when the room fell silent, even after the baby was out. The child was not breathing, could not be if there was no sound filling the room, the sound that every mother craved when their child was born. She caught a glimpse of its pink stained skin and then her heart started thumping in her chest.

Not after all this. Not after labour and a full pregnancy. This is too sadistic.

'What's wrong? What's wrong?!' Her mouth was dry yet she screamed, asking for answers, but it was very slowly starting to dawn on her. 'Let me see the baby!'

Astoria had not been made to be a mother, and the world had found a new way to punish her, punishing her husband and her child in the process. Her fingers around Draco's started to uncurl, eyes fixed on the Healers girdled around the table where Astoria knew her baby had been laid down.

Suddenly the sound was there, echoing in the walls and making her blink. She was barely aware of Draco's fingers squeezing her hand and she found herself squeezing his back. The sound was too loud in the quietness of the room and yet not loud enough. It meant life, it meant her baby was alive and it was the best sound in the world right then. The midwife turned, bringing the baby in a blanket, and placed it on Astoria's waiting arms, the movement involuntary as soon as she saw the other woman approaching.

The baby in her arms was beautiful, small and perfect. It had her lips, Draco's nose and her eye shape, or maybe not. She did not care. The baby was now calm, as though feeling his mother holding him, and Astoria wished she had lived her pregnancy to the fullest now that she was holding this human being.

'You're the parents of a healthy baby boy,' the midwife told them right after handing Astoria the baby.

Not only were they parents, but the child was a boy, one to carry on with the Malfoy name like their parents desired. Her eyes filled with tears at the news. She knew Draco's were too when his lips pressed a kiss to her temple and she felt the sudden wetness on the side of her face. She turned to face him, giving him the first real smile in years and winning a soft kiss on the lips, one of those she only remembered in dreams nowadays.

They had grown apart these past years, still they were a family now. Maybe Astoria's body had just been telling it was not their time yet, as much as she wanted it to be as soon as she had found out the first time. Their son was there, alive and healthy and they were happy. They had no name for him, the nursery in the manor was only half furnished, but it did not matter. There was time, because Astoria would not lose a second of her son's life from now on.

Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy was born on a sunny day of April, named after a constellation and could not have been more loved by his parents all his life.


End file.
